So as many in the wedding blog community (and beyond!) have heard, popular wedding blog Weddingbee has been sold to eHarmony. And now there's a lot of arguing going on about whether this was a good decision, and what this means for the website and its community.
I posted my two cents on Weddingbee when I first saw the news (for me, it was a no brainer that I wouldn't continue to read a site supported by eHarmony), and wanted to leave it at that, at least over there. I've kept the page open in a tab, however, so I can follow along with the debate and so I can find the blogs of anyone else who's leaving.
But it's getting pretty ugly over there. I posted on Feministing (the above link) when they mentioned the Weddingbee sale that I was happy the level of discourse was being kept at a mature level. People were being passionate about their beliefs, but when you're discussing deeply held moral convictions, you should be passionate. Now, however, it's devolving into a disgusting display of some of the worst behaviors possible in humanity. No, I'm being serious: using religion to preach hate is one of the most morally repugnant things a person can do.
But that's not why I wanted to make this post. I wanted to make this post to explain why the sale of a wedding community to a non-LGBTQ friendly company matters to me in the slightest.
As a life long feminist, I've long been familiar with the phrase "the personal is political," popularized by second wave (60s-70s) feminists. What it means is that what affects our personal lives is part of the political sphere as well. At the time this was often used to try to garner legal support for women's reproductive health rights, or the right for women to retain their own individual identity even after getting married. And while some of the fights of our mothers' generation have been won, there are still a lot of battlefronts that remain. Including the rights of LGBTQ-identifying people.
I think I've mentioned this before, but in case I haven't: I'm bisexual. Yes, I'm marrying a man, but to me that's just a quirk of genetics. I fell in love with Billy because of who he is as a person, not as a male. I am acutely aware that if I had fallen in love with a woman I wouldn't be planning a wedding like mine right now.
We currently live in a country that is governed more by hate and fear than reason and compassion. A country where our government seems to believe that just because some interpretations of some religions refuse to acknowledge the love between people of the same sex, that is reason enough to bar a supposedly-secular government from also recognizing these unions. At a governmental level, there isn't much I can do about that right now. I diligently vote for the person that I believe will do the least amount of harm (because there is no current candidate who is as radical as I am about social justice issues), and vote down hateful proposals, but while these are some of the most public actions, in some ways they are the least powerful. Government is a huge machine, and as such it takes a long time for huge changes to be made.
So I focus a lot of my political activism on a personal level. I blog in my personal blog about political issues to raise awareness among my readers. I support companies that have progressive policies, and refuse to support companies that don't. In planning my wedding, I am doing a lot of it myself so I don't contribute financially to the wedding industrial complex that encourages women to hate their bodies, continue misogynist traditions, and go into debt, all in search for a "perfect day." Billy and I are also acknowledging our passion for marriage equality by opening our ceremony with a reading from the Massachusetts's historic supreme court decision legalizing gay marriage, read by a former professor, mentor and friend of ours who happens to be a gay man.
If anyone tries to say that weddings are not political acts, they are kidding themselves, because getting married is one of the most personal decisions a couple can make, and the personal is political.
To sign off, here's the reading from the Massachusetts's supreme court ruling we're using. It perfectly sums up our feelings on marriage, and seems very appropriate today:
Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other ... brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their [family], marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return, it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the "welfare of the community" and is a "social institution of the highest importance." ... Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family... Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and [a] connection [to] our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Friday, October 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Blogging from the Big Apple!
After an extended break from wedding planning...I'm back! And all moved into my new New York City apartment!
Well, my Queens apartment. It still counts, right?
The place is a bit of a sty right now, so no nice pictures of how we're settling in yet. Instead, have a couple of shots from move in day:
The view from the kitchen
Just inside our living space
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Everything's in the apartment!!! Oh, crap, now we have to unpack it all!
A week and a couple of days later and I'd say 90% of our stuff is unpacked. We're still living out of suitcases, but that's because Billy refuses to hang up any of his clothes. Apparently he needs a dresser to survive (he used that argument on me in our last apartment so we ended up with two dressers...and yet, his clothes only ended up IN the dresser when I did his laundry!). So we're trying to figure out how to work that.
We're also waiting on a book shelf to unpack our DVDs and books. I'm hoping that one bookshelf will be enough to hold it all!
So far I think we're adjusting well to New York. There's a bit of a learning curve, but we're managing.
And now that we're (mostly) settled in, I have two tasks: 1) FIND A JOB (I've been applying like crazy for anything and everything I can find. I'm desperate) 2) Get back into wedding planning! Yesterday I spoke with my future sister-in-law Carling and my Ypsi-based usher (and unexpected bachelorette party organizer!) Marisa so they can coordinate working on my bridal shower (Carling and my future mother-in-law are doing most of the planning, with MOH Brittany helping out in some way, but Marisa, being the one actually based in Ypsilanti right now, is going to help figure out logistics like WHERE to have the bridal shower). The night before that I chatted with Brittany via AIM and she let me ramble aimlessly while I figured out what my next wedding planning steps were.
1) Figure out whether I should make my own pocketfolds for the invitations or buy them
2) Start figuring out what the invitations should say
3) Make Billy figure out what he and the groomsmen are wearing
I've also spent most of today finalizing the wedding registry so it will be all ready to be viewed by the bridal shower crowd!
More posts soon!
Well, my Queens apartment. It still counts, right?
The place is a bit of a sty right now, so no nice pictures of how we're settling in yet. Instead, have a couple of shots from move in day:
The view from the kitchen
Just inside our living space
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Everything's in the apartment!!! Oh, crap, now we have to unpack it all!
A week and a couple of days later and I'd say 90% of our stuff is unpacked. We're still living out of suitcases, but that's because Billy refuses to hang up any of his clothes. Apparently he needs a dresser to survive (he used that argument on me in our last apartment so we ended up with two dressers...and yet, his clothes only ended up IN the dresser when I did his laundry!). So we're trying to figure out how to work that.
We're also waiting on a book shelf to unpack our DVDs and books. I'm hoping that one bookshelf will be enough to hold it all!
So far I think we're adjusting well to New York. There's a bit of a learning curve, but we're managing.
And now that we're (mostly) settled in, I have two tasks: 1) FIND A JOB (I've been applying like crazy for anything and everything I can find. I'm desperate) 2) Get back into wedding planning! Yesterday I spoke with my future sister-in-law Carling and my Ypsi-based usher (and unexpected bachelorette party organizer!) Marisa so they can coordinate working on my bridal shower (Carling and my future mother-in-law are doing most of the planning, with MOH Brittany helping out in some way, but Marisa, being the one actually based in Ypsilanti right now, is going to help figure out logistics like WHERE to have the bridal shower). The night before that I chatted with Brittany via AIM and she let me ramble aimlessly while I figured out what my next wedding planning steps were.
1) Figure out whether I should make my own pocketfolds for the invitations or buy them
2) Start figuring out what the invitations should say
3) Make Billy figure out what he and the groomsmen are wearing
I've also spent most of today finalizing the wedding registry so it will be all ready to be viewed by the bridal shower crowd!
More posts soon!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Why I wedding blog
There are probably as many reasons to blog, in general, as there are individual bloggers. Some people just want their own little corner of the internet, others have ideas on a much grander scale for setting up the Next Big Thing in blogging.
But what about wedding bloggers? Back in May, the New York Times implied that cultivating online friendships around your mutual weddings was, at the very least, a novelty. But it also brings up excellent points about why someone might spend a lot of time at the Knot message boards: filling in the gaps in excitement. The rest of the world really doesn't care about our centerpieces, however other brides in the exact same situation can get themselves quite worked up on your behalf.
And that is precisely why I'm blogging specifically about my wedding. I haven't found a message board where I really fit in yet (all of the pertinent Knot boards seem a little too fixated on various traditions for my taste). Having my own blog lets me set the tone and guide the conversation.
It also lets me wax poetic about any given wedding-related subject without worrying about boring my audience to tears. Most likely if you're reading this, you have at least a passing interest in the planning process of someone else's wedding, but if part of my planning process doesn't interest you, you can always skip that post and come back later to see if I've gotten interesting yet. My bridesmaids, the people most brides turn to first to share their wedding excitement, are absolutely lovely women (obviously), but it doesn't seem like they have a whole lot of excitement for the accomplishments of finally getting all of the necessary addresses, or discovering that silk purple peonies came in at Michael's.
I was finally prompted to spin this blog off from my personal blog after going out to the bar and meeting another soon-to-be married friend there, where we would do nothing but talk about our various wedding planning experiences for an hour or two at a time. She was constantly worrying that she was boring me, and I her, I think in part because we aren't the type of women who normally get caught up in the excitement of something that, at the end of the day, is rather superficial. I mean, the last deep conversation we had was tag-teaming on extolling the virtues of feminism to a mutual acquaintance!
But I also realized that, as unexpected as they were, these conversations have been the highlights of my day. Because for an hour at a time, I got to let my hair down and actually have a conversation with someone about how awesome my photographer was, or figuring out whether or not I should wear a veil. And as girly as it was, it was fun.
And since I can't have those conversations every single day (especially since Billy and I are moving soon!), I've now turned to having my own, personal wedding blog.
Why do you blog?
But what about wedding bloggers? Back in May, the New York Times implied that cultivating online friendships around your mutual weddings was, at the very least, a novelty. But it also brings up excellent points about why someone might spend a lot of time at the Knot message boards: filling in the gaps in excitement. The rest of the world really doesn't care about our centerpieces, however other brides in the exact same situation can get themselves quite worked up on your behalf.
And that is precisely why I'm blogging specifically about my wedding. I haven't found a message board where I really fit in yet (all of the pertinent Knot boards seem a little too fixated on various traditions for my taste). Having my own blog lets me set the tone and guide the conversation.
It also lets me wax poetic about any given wedding-related subject without worrying about boring my audience to tears. Most likely if you're reading this, you have at least a passing interest in the planning process of someone else's wedding, but if part of my planning process doesn't interest you, you can always skip that post and come back later to see if I've gotten interesting yet. My bridesmaids, the people most brides turn to first to share their wedding excitement, are absolutely lovely women (obviously), but it doesn't seem like they have a whole lot of excitement for the accomplishments of finally getting all of the necessary addresses, or discovering that silk purple peonies came in at Michael's.
I was finally prompted to spin this blog off from my personal blog after going out to the bar and meeting another soon-to-be married friend there, where we would do nothing but talk about our various wedding planning experiences for an hour or two at a time. She was constantly worrying that she was boring me, and I her, I think in part because we aren't the type of women who normally get caught up in the excitement of something that, at the end of the day, is rather superficial. I mean, the last deep conversation we had was tag-teaming on extolling the virtues of feminism to a mutual acquaintance!
But I also realized that, as unexpected as they were, these conversations have been the highlights of my day. Because for an hour at a time, I got to let my hair down and actually have a conversation with someone about how awesome my photographer was, or figuring out whether or not I should wear a veil. And as girly as it was, it was fun.
And since I can't have those conversations every single day (especially since Billy and I are moving soon!), I've now turned to having my own, personal wedding blog.
Why do you blog?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)